Once upon a time, a long long time ago, I was playing with the television set, going through UHF channels one afternoon1) and found one I hadn't seen before. It was a grainy ghost of a channel, brought to you by your local Taukuro dealership, a series of freak atmospheric anomalies, and rips in time and space2). This broadcasting miracle served only one purpose: to show me a single episode of “What a Dummy3)4).” Here's the basic premise: a family lives with a ventriloquist's dummy that has come to life. They don't seem to think much about this. I mean, in real life you'd chase that fucker down with an ax, burn it in the backyard, and move away in the night, never to return, but not these dumb shits. The whole show was basically thin sitcom plot with the dummy appearing, always from behind a sofa or some damn thing (to hide the nearly-visible puppeteer), so it could say some awful puppet-related pun. Over and over again. This was all the show was. It was so bad, it stuck with me. I believed it was a dream after awhile. I couldn't believe it existed until the Internet confirmed it many years later. Since I was so young, it was the worst thing I had ever seen in my life. It remained so for a long time…
Well, until the Big Bang Theory.
I'm going to make a show about Japanese people. It's basically going to be Japanese people wearing Mao suits, because they're cheaper than kimonos, and Americans are stupid as fuck so they don't know what Japanese people wear, fuck them. My characters all going to have big round glasses and prosthetic buck teeth. Their lines are basically going to be “NIP CHONG, CHING CHONG!”, and then just intersperse that with a laugh track. Repeat this for half an hour. It's funny because they're Japanese! Get it?? I just produced a show of the same quality as the Big Bang Theory. I deserve millions of dollars. I brought a bag and everything, just put the money in the bag, please.