0037 yawned as he opened his eyes
He woke up to the sight of
truly horrendous, he wasn't even wearing the
new tie he got for his birthday
suit. Meaning he was pure Naked. Suddenly,
Tokiko woke up from this dream too.
He was still in the alien habitat
where he was fed only sweaty ducks
in a lovely szechuan glaze that almost
More like autism part two, amirite. Lol!
drowned the poor animals. Cooking was unknown
to the alien masters, who only consumed
Dried rice and stinky socks. It was
slightly better than live ducks. Tokiko wanted
something that resembled his normal diet, like
something he had eaten in the past.
In turn, he only got served more
dried rice and stinky socks. It wasn't
very pleasant. They tried putting mayonnaise on
his food, but it wasn't actual mayonnaise
But rather, exactly what you suspect - my
industrial coolant in a mayonnaise bottle. I
exclusively use mayonnaise bottles for my fluids
since I have them in such abundance from
working in the lucrative mayonnaise bottle industry.
Did you know that mayonnaise bottles are
very evil and can easily kill you?
asked I, the narrator of this story.
But this not about me, this is
just the evil influence of mayonnaise bottles
taking over. We return to Tokiko's meal
now slathered in mayonnaise-like industrial coolant
It seemed fairly ordinary to Tokiko, however
much the fumes burned his eyes. Perhaps
he was used to such ocurrences. He
wiped the tears away as he reminisced
about the life he led before this
frolicking through fields of daisies and daffodils
led to his encounter with a bee.
It was not a particularly friendly encounter
but it was not especially unfriendly. This
was the beginning of all his problems
with insects; not only had the bees
with a air of haughty elitism. Even
the trvest thought they were too elitist
in their actions. Tokiko suddenly started hating
bees. This coincided with the beephobic movement
that ultimately led to his alien captivity.
Tokiko sighed as he finished his meal
and reflected on his unfortunate fate. "oh,
if only I had known, that Bees
are so elitist!" His tears dripped into
an anthill. The ants inside were
digging his escape tunnel. Another three hundred
years and it would be complete. He
decided to wait, not knowing how long
he would be able to stand it.
He waits for about
thirty minutes before giving up. "This is
awesome i like fucking cp so much
and also I miss Emily and Holly
from my high school days, before this
whole mess started." He started crying while
vigorously masturbating to a vivid memory of
is not 0037 dead, gonna talk to your self, ey?
" screamed an imbecile, interrupting Tokiko's masturbation. This
was followed by the sound of footsteps
of the wind, possibly climbing a staircase.
The footsteps intensify, along with the sounds
of seemingly gibberish alien speech, consisting of
What appeared to be gibberish but was
INSERT DICK INSERT DICK INSERT DICK INSERT DICK INSERT DICK INSERT DICK INSERT DICK INSERT DICK INSERT DICK INSERT DICK INSERT DICK INSERT DICK INSERT DICK INSERT DICK INSERT DICK INSERT DICK INSERT DICK INSERT DICK INSERT DICK INSERT DICK INSERT DICK INSERT DICK INSERT DICK INSERT DICK INSERT DICK INSERT DICK INSERT DICK INSERT DICK INSERT DICK INSERT DICK INSERT DICK INSERT DICK INSERT DICK INSERT DICK INSERT DICK INSERT DICK INSERT DICK INSERT DICK INSERT DICK INSERT DICK INSERT DICK INSERT DICK INSERT DICK INSERT DICK INSERT DICK INSERT DICK INSERT DICK
" which translated to the alien equivalent of
"The end times are nigh. Insert dick."
Suddenly, Tokiko's cage is opened, and it's
bad. Very very bad. So bad that
0037 cried. This is Tokiko's chance to
search for actual human food. He walked
three steps before collapsing in exhaustion. "I
need to eat something!" he cried through
the night. He looked up and saw
an old portable cassette player. "Shungudzo", he
read on the tape being played. He
scratched his head in confusion because he
had a mysteriously itching head that wasn't
there earlier, having grown another one apparently.
An alien guard walked on the scene
and was swiftly dispatched. "What a fag"
Said Tokiko. His new SJW head shrieked
with laughter, like a banshee on HRT.
Thankfully the aliens were edible, so he
quickly devoured the alien. It tasted like
an alien should taste: creamy but lean.
But then, it turned out that the
SJW head's a vegan. "Meat is murder!"
Enraged by the head's nagging, Tokiko decides
to at least start thinking about whether
or not to abandon leftism. However he
stops thinking as another alien guard arrives
and the head shrieks "ALIEN LIVES MATTER!"
This attracts more guards to the cell
than fried chickens niggers on a Sunday eve
Surrounded, Tokiko plans to escape by devouring
his feces and telling him he is a
the guards in less than three bites.
Now that Tokiko is free, it's time
to come clean and admit he was
enjoying imprisonment a great deal. Especially the
extreme stunts he was forced to perform
without sleep. It was time to move
on from this life into the next
so he took his cyanide capsule. In
an instant, Tokiko is now gone to
the next life. But before he could
start his seven million years in purgatory,
he has to prove himself in a
grand bingo tournament. Counterless, he wondered how
he would deal with the incoming holiday
invasion coming from the hidden realms of
the grand bingo tournament. He decided to
consider this for a bit longer as
he did not have a suitable understanding
of the rules of interplanetary bingo. He
applied for the Universal Bingo Training Program
And was curtly rejected, leading to a
a sudden cancelation of the grand bingo
orgy/feast, which normally follows the tournament.
This decision was very unpopular among the
tournament vendor's union who rioted, burning down
Portland's Olympic Bingo Hall. Unfortunately the basement
was undamaged in the riots, and it
had a fridge with a girl’s corpse
. "No, she's alive! Really she is!" Shouted
the murderer. He was likely a stalker.
As he denied these accusations, the police
arrested the vendor's union for property damage
as well as some other crimes, like
the cool customer he was he began
to screech uncontrolably. This seemed to be
some sort of ancient alien mating ritual
but, upon further exposure, it proved to
be just plain and ordinary uncontrollable screeching
often exhibited by NEETs facing harsh reality.
The Irish, thinking they'd heard a banshee
potato nigger, potato nigger, where is potato?
Silly faggot silly faggot silly faggot silly
" they chanted, hoping to avoid the wrath
of Andrew, a man known to have
strangled Irish babies for fun while their
parents are out on fancy dinners and
other heinous crimes of that sort. Then,
somehow, the wrath of Andrew, while terrible,
had mercy on a young white nigger
named Tokiko. He cured his cyanide poisoning
and liberated him from the grand bingo
tournament. Tokiko quickly gathered his belongings and
began his journey towards his final destination:
supreme enlightenment, a sacred state of mind
only reachable through barbaric TV shows. He
then proceeded to trip over a bug
and crash head first into the TV
the admin had turned on. It was
showing a somewhat civilized TV show, but
the very act of crashing head first
had made it thoroughly barbaric. The admin
was not entirely convinced, looking instead to
create a better future for Bas9que niggers
through the power of work! and desceplin!
Which of course begins with proper spelling.
But proper spelling, of course, begins with
the letter "r" mostly. Tokiko failed spelling
class, thanks to his rhotacism. This led
him to plot a violent revolution against
the admin's administration. For this, he recruited
the Basque spammer and his racially pure
fucking soy boy goy gay faggot niggers !!!
The first operation against the admin involved
preparing by chugging soy milk and having
unprotected gay sex to boost morale. Then
then hand jobs. Then a nap. Then
a fucking wire brush up the urethra.
Their urethra worms were unfazed, emboldened even.
"This calls for extreme measures" said Tokiko
as he began to suck out the
filling of all the Twinkies he brought
out of an opening in the big
boulder there. Only it wasn't a boulder
it was the admin, getting sucked off
and the Twinkies weren't Twinkies, they were
urethra worms, of the emboldened variety. The
twinkies were being crushed by the boulder,
which subsequently attracted the attention of a
lot of ants. Tokiko hated ants so
he stopped sucking the urethra worms and
just thought about sleeping until morning comes.
And he could've slept if it weren't
for all the ants that showed up
beneath his eyelids where they battled the
urethra worms and just thought about sleeping
until morning comes. And they could've slept
if it weren't for the urethra worms
burrowing into the part of his brain
that was suitable for sleeping. After a
few million years, the urethra worms evolved
into an organism identical to tokiko. It
really stood out now that humans evolved
from tokiko's urethra worms. A new religion
was formed around the idea of urethra
worms being angels for our god tokiko.
As it grew, its followers became known
as Tokikans, Tokites, Southern Reformed Tokikans and
the Jews. This is how Judaism originated.
Constant internecine warfare reduced the earth to
a narrow group of pasty thesaurus-wielding nerds
who eat next-level ass. Regarding the Jews,
their hats were much sillier now. Everything
related to the art of basket smashing
could be condensed into a single tome
and read during a rainy Sunday afternoon
. Make no mistake woven wares come in
many shapes and sizes but not all
are worthy of proper destruction. It is
neither good nor wholesome to wear a
Beanie, due to the immense lack of