Think of all the cocaine you'd be able to afford if you didn't have all the overhead of rent or a mortgage!
Suck dick, earn cocaine, repeat. It's that simple. No more scraping together money each month for something you hardly use!
I mean, all houses do is burn down in freebasing accidents, am I right, folks? Drop out and live on the fat of the cold mean streets. And I mean, literal fat. Some of those hobo knife fights get completely out of control. PCP, right? Those hobos love that shit.
If you're good at trading sex for cocaine, you might be living in 12-26 motel rooms per week anyway! Plenty of free showers, ice for your many bruises and with housekeeping, you won't even have to clean up your own vomit!
They lock those TVs up pretty good, so they're not worth stealing but here's a tip: they don't lock up the air conditioners too well! I know a guy who will give you $31 and a clean t-shirt for one of those!
If they don't chain down the remote, you can sometimes get a rock if you collect five or six of them. Same guy. See this is just like video games!
The t-shirt may be used, but it is clean. It's usually for a pro-wrestler that never quite made it to the big times. You'll probably meet the wrestler or be involved in a weird 3-way with him. But anyway, that air conditioner guy's all right. He also buys welders. They're really hard to steal. It's usually worth it to just steal the whole truck they're on. It's OK though, they never use welding trucks as bait cars.
By the way, if you think it's a bait car, just use it to sleep in or as a toilet. They can only get you for breaking and entering AT MOST. Don't confess to no destroying government property. How are you supposed to know this random car was government property?
Now you may consider kidnapping a drug dealer's pet and ransoming it for cocaine, but it turns out that dealers always have a lot of pit bulls and won't even notice one of the missing for four or five days, sometimes. Also, you may have a dealer that can't read the ransom note. So you'll be stuck with this mean dog in the shed you're living in and those fuckers eat a lot, like eight orders of chicken nuggets at a time. And all the fertilizer in the shed too. And they'll chew on the paint cans and it will leak all over your bed and shit. Once you've got the deal all worked out, it will just break loose from you and kill some screaming woman's chihuahua. And then the cops will blame YOU like it's your stupid dog. Also it will turn out the dealer had like twenty of his friends there ready to kill you and wasn't going to make good anyway.
So don't bother.
((likelihood to use lube %)+(likelihood to pay you %))/2 = likelihood the guy will get killed by a PCP-raging hobo.
That hobo took 24 ice pick wounds to the ear before he dropped. I was digging around too. Just swirling that thing around. Bloody chunks were just pouring out of his skull.
I'm going to miss Steve tho. RIP
Never could get that hobo's jaws out of Steve's face either. Even dead.