Tired of your job (or having any job ever again, really)? Well then, it's time to go out in the best way possible: shitting on your boss's desk.
DO practice open defecation before going for the big one. If you don't, you'll probably just squat there like an idiot, all clenched up, unable to perform. Practice in front of elderly veterans or children at a playground to make sure you're ready!
DON'T wear long pants if the weather permits. You'll just get all bunched up when you climb on the desk, squat, and prepare to let loose your revenge. If you must wear pants, make sure they're a lightweight material.
DON'T take laxatives. While some splatter is desirable, you don't want your stools to be too liquid. A well-formed turd steaming on your boss's desk is the greatest form of intimidation.
DO aim to ensure some splatter ends up on pictures of his kids/trophy wife.
DO make it personal. Make sure he sees that huge steaming turd hanging from your anus in that split second before it just plops, right there on his precious papers and knickknacks.
DON'T chicken out and just take a shit on his car. That could be anyone. How will he know it's you?
DON'T barge into this with little planning. Don't just read this and think you're ready.
DO eat a solid diet of meat, whole grains, soft cheese, and nuts (coarsely chewed) to get the right consistency for your revenge shit.
DO practice the expression on your face (a powerful scowl will do!) and the sound you'll make when you let loose (a nice powerful growl, perhaps?)
DON'T bring toilet paper, for fuck's sake! There's no need to clean up! Spread those cheeks wide, do what must be done, and walk away!