Don't waste it! Utilize it!
1 cup semen
1 cup all-purpose flourIn a medium sized bowl, combine flour and salt. Make a well in the flour, add semen, and mix. Mixture should form a stiff (lol) dough. If needed, stir in 1 to 2 tablespoons more semen.
On a lightly floured surface, knead dough for about 3 to 4 minutes. With a pasta machine or by hand roll dough out to desired thinness. Use machine or knife to cut into strips of desired width. Though some say length is more desirable. Makes three servings
Semen Ravioli
1 can ravioli
semen to taste
Open ravioli and place in a microwave safe dish. Heat ravioli to desired temperature. Spooge on ravioli. Mix well and serve.
Beef Strokin' Off
Beef
Whiskey
Onion (a bag or whatever)
Noodles
Semen (lots)
Salt and pepper to taste
Put noodles on to boil. Don't use faggot asian noddles, you weeaboo fucks. Pan fry beef while drinking whiskey. Make sure it's totally raw on one side and burned to fuck on the other. Throw out the onions because they're gross. Add in semen to make a sauce. Pour onto noodles. If you didn't drain them, that's fine. No one's going to eat this.
Packed Fudge
3Lbs fudge
Form fudge into makeshift onahole. Imagine it's shit, if that's your thing. Microwave it until it's a little melty. Jerk off into it. Continue until you've ruined all the fudge. Smash that shit in a box. Write "I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE, BITCH" on box. Leave on ex-girlfriend's doorstep.
Chicken Cordong Blueballs
Get one of those frozen chicken cordon bleu patties and nuke the fuck out of it. Once it's bursting and even uglier than when you put it into the microwave, take it out, cut one end off, and use it to jerk off. It's just like making love to a burn victim. While she's on fire. There will be a lot of dick blisters involved, so you better have a good insurance plan.
Serve with a baggie of ice cubes.
Play(ing with yourself)-dough
2 cups flour
2 cups semen
1 cup salt
2 Tablespoons vegetable oil
1 Tablespoon cream of tartar
Food coloring if you want it to be not semen-colored for some reason
Mix all of the ingredients together, and stir over low heat. The dough will begin to thicken. When the dough pulls away from the sides and clumps in the center, remove the pan from heat and allow the dough to cool enough to handle.
Shape into the form of a cat. Cut its head off. Leave on your ex-girlfriend's doorstep to let her know it was you!
Banged Mash
Mashed potatoes
Semen
I think you see the trend here.
Spotted Dick
Don't even know what it is really, but it must be done anyway.
1 Tijuana hooker
1 Dick
0 Condoms
Bang hooker. Wait for spots to appear. Jerk off onto surfaces your ex-girlfriend might expose her genitals to like the toilet seat or that Denny's manager she fucked in the parking lot. Of a Denny's. Yeah, I know what you did, bitch. I'M ALWAYS WATCHING.
Spumoni(t)
1 gallon spumoni ice cream
1 gallon jizz
It's going to take awhile to get a gallon. Maybe by the time you're done the restraining order will have lapsed! Oh, instructions? Fuck it, mix that shit in like a blender or something. I don't know. Three more weeks. That's all I know!