Q: What is tofu?
A: Tofu is an environmentally friendly way to dispose of unwanted garbage by feeding it to hipsters. Though recipes have varied throughout history, the most popular varieties today are comprised of 40% used diapers, 30% beached whale, 20% tires, and 10% human hair. The components are ground into a paste, bleached white, and coagulated into shape with plaster. Less-firm varieties generally increase the proportion of used diapers.
Q: Will eating tofu make me gay?
A: As long as you eat it in the traditional way (chewing, acting like it's good, and then quietly spitting it out into a napkin without swallowing), no. Only a slight majority of males who actually (or even accidentally) consume tofu display the tendency to seek out receptive anal sex from hairy leather daddies. The rest tend to seek out more mainstream same-sex partnerships.
Q: Is tofu a good alternative to meat in my diet?
A: By itself, no. However, most people find that after trying tofu their protein needs are met by the semen they consume.
Q: I do not appear to be getting sufficient protein in my diet despite eating plenty of tofu and being covered in semen every day. I am weak and anemic. Hints?
A: In order to properly absorb the protein of semen, you must ingest it orally. Take a break from taking it in the ass to suck some dick. Make sure to swallow. This should help!
Q: Why isn't there semen-flavored tofu on the market? This seems like a match made in heaven.
A: Well, all fags go hell, so heaven is of no concern to you. However, many females also consume tofu and the taste of semen does not appeal to them. Seriously, have you ever dealt with a woman before? They'll only suck your dick on your birthday. Maybe New Year's Eve after they've had a lot to drink. Also, there are reports that adding semen to existing tofu recipes would improve the flavor. Any improvement to the flavor of tofu could increase its consumption, leading to the ultimate eradication of the human species due to all males being involved in an unending gay orgy.
Q: A girl at school told me that tofu is made of soybeans. What is the source of this urban legend?
A: This "girl" (and have you checked to be certain that she is actually a female?) is likely interested in acquiring gay friends to improve her social life. She is what is called a fag hag and fails to understand that it is impossible to meet straight men by hanging out with raging homosexuals. She may be suffering from extreme brain damage. Have pity on her, make sure she wears a bib when you're feeding her, and do your best to assure she does not hurt herself or others when she explodes into a retard rage (she will explode into a retard rage, just wait).
Q: The Japanese consume more tofu than the average Westerner, but do not appear to have an incidence of homosexuality higher than average. Is there some explanation for this discrepancy?
A: Yes. Japanese men are deeply closeted homosexuals. The thrill of leading a double life is so pervasive that Japanese men put great effort into culturing the cover of their traditional family. This effort aside, the Japanese population continues to dwindle ever downward, the surest sign yet of tofu's threat to the human race.
Q: What is textured soy protein? And is the related therapy worth it?
A: Textured soy protein is another lie manufactured by the tofu industry to disguise the true nature of their product. TSP generally omits the human hair and increases the proportion of beached whale in the product. It is commonly used in low-grade microwave burritos, taquitos, and hamburgers. If you have consumed this product and have been suffering from homosexual desires since, your physician may recommend hormone replacement therapy. While not yet a lasting solution, HRT may provide the sufferer as many as four months of continued borderline heterosexuality in which time one may attempt to father a child before the notion of sex with a woman becomes intolerable and repugnant. If it is any consolation, homosexual fathers are scientifically proven to raise entirely normal children in up to 30% of reported cases, granted they provide only cash child support and have no contact whatsoever with their offspring.
Q: Is tofu the best topic for a thread on limbo?
A: The threat posed by tofu to the human race is so great that it must be on top of limbo at all times. The tofu lobby is powerful and controls all other media. Limbo is the only safe place to reveal the truth!
Q: How many people does tofu kill each year?
A: Answers vary by source, but the resulting promiscuous gay sex results in thousands of deaths from AIDS every year. Many more die from the hazardous conditions involved in processing tofu. The dead are the lucky ones with survivors often maimed in the dangerous work of recovering beached whales or blinded by the caustic chemicals used to bleach the mixture white.